Tag Archives: obsession

Feeling Guilty

I’m lying in bed feeling guilty that I didn’t blog today. I’m sure that nobody out there in blog world is going to notice but I will. And so to make up for my transgression I am attempting to blog from my iPhone. I just know I’m going to regret this. My laptop is only 20 or 30 steps away but the door is closed and the bed is comfy.

This getting obsessed and staying obsessed thing is carrying me away. But isn’t that the whole point of obsession? It’s creating a new habit. It’s my atheistic version of believing in something greater than me. I guess we do all need to worship at one altar or another after all.

In Fahrenheit 451 Ray Bradbury writes: “It doesn’t matter what you do…so long as you change something from the way it was before you touched it into something that looks like you after you take your hands away,” I think that this is what seeking obsession is about for me. It’s about leaving a piece of me behind after I’ve gone away. I don’t know who I’m leaving my signature for. Is it for my kids? Is it for my wife or for my grand-kids? Perhaps it’s nothing more than selfishness on my part but I do think it’s bigger than that. I desperately wish that my parents had left more of themselves in written or recorded form. The recordings that I have of dad and I playing guitar have an uncanny ability to take me back to when he was here. You just can’t put a price on something like that. I wish that I had more.

I know that I will leave this world and my body, spirit, and mind will return to the earth from whence it came. When that time comes I want to make damned sure I’ve left something of my voice behind. Ray Kurzweil will live his wrinkled, shriveled, and frozen body. I’ll just leave my words and my music. That will suffice. I don’t want to live forever but I want my voice to permeate for a little while after I’m gone.

Is that too much to ask?

(Disclaimer: this blog has been edited from its original iphone generated version in order to maintain the integrity of this blog. Ain’t no word count function on the iphone!)

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On Need and Obsession

The greatest enemy we face is the one that we do not see.

Doubt ensnares us like a slowly creeping vine. We never see it because it always grabs us from behind. If we cannot see it then how do we rid ourselves of it?

We all spend a good part of our lives telling ourselves that we cannot do one thing or another only to find, much later on, that we were completely mistaken. Sadly many folks never reach the point of discovering their misjudgment because revelation always arrives straddling the back of necessity. When necessity is absent, discovery will not ensue.

In his book “The Hotel New Hampshire” John Irving stated that: “You need to become obsessed and stay obsessed.” I think Mr. Irving was trying to tell us that need has a way of eradicating doubt. If you absolutely need to do something then you will find a way to make it happen. The need will create an obsession. Obsession also brings with it a powerful diffidence removal system. You cannot hold onto obsession and self-doubt at the same time. One will drive out the other. Even a cursory glance at anyone successful in their field will reveal need and obsession in equal measure. The reason that most people don’t reach the point of obsession is that they rarely do anything for themselves. It is impossible to get obsessive when you only create for someone else.

So just how does one become obsessed and stay obsessed? You have to develop a need within yourself and for yourself. Do something; find something, anything that brings you personal fulfillment. Make it something that no one can take away from you. Learn to play guitar, grow a vegetable garden or write a book that no one will ever read. Set a goal and stick with the goal even when you don’t feel like doing it; especially when you don’t feel like doing it. Don’t do it for food, shelter, sustenance, fame or recognition. Do it because you feel incomplete without it. When need turns to obsession then creativity will be the result. 

If you do this you will see the enemy before it sees you.

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