An Over Inflated Sense of Self

One Author’s Over Inflated Sense of Self

The following appeared in an e-bay auction some years ago. It made me chuckle and I thought I’d share it with you.

Purchase the rights to be my publisher. Motivate me to complete my humorous book! Plot, title, and three chapters complete! I am a published author who can complete writing projects only when they are assigned by others and placed under deadline. I’ve had a witty book under way for about seven years, and I’d really like to finish it! Consider it chick lit that’s honestly different–a comedic embellishment of my life with boys. An editor friend has read the piece thus far and loves it. I cannot give any more detail, as I fear my idea will be stolen, but I promise, it’s fresh! I am in search of a respected publisher who will pay me an advance, therefore providing me with the motivation to wrap this thing up! Upon signing a confidentiality agreement, valid publishers with serious inquiries will be given full details and a sneak peek before a bid is required. I’ll need six months to one year to complete the book, depending on the amount of the advance. Additional compensation to me, the author, for this future best-seller (I predict, but I cannot be legally held to this) will be worked out with the winning bidder. I do guarantee an easy edit! Thank you for your consideration.

I had to write to her and find out what this was all about.

I wrote: No offense but why would anyone want to pay $10,000 to publish an unknown author?

She replied: “What’s your problem? At least I’m not selling the rights to name my child.”

My response: At least naming a child has some actual value.

Her reply:

1. I am not an unknown author.

2. You wouldn’t want to buy the rights if you’re not a publisher.

3. Now, BUG OFF!

My Reply: You know, for a comedic writer you really don’t have a very good sense of humor!

Her reply: If I’d had a better first impression of you, you might have been able to indulge in my humorous side. Bye-bye.

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